It's been really busy, yet I cannot stop praising my Lord ... for He never abandon me and continue to lead and guide me everyday.
Last week was extremely tensed and stressed due to issues arised at work. One of my immediate bosses had to ask me to come in and work on a Saturaday. [Knowing that I have other commitments and have volunteering at church, he seldom requests me to come in on weekend. Of course, he felt bad asking, but still need to face the reality.]
Having to work on a Saturaday on top of long hours already put in on weekdays of course is not the nicest thing, but I can handle that .. it's not news. What stressed me was the inability to see how to get things resolve at work, at the same time having to lead praise team and worship on the same Sunday. Although it is one of the rare time when I start thinking about the flow and songs etc early (like a month ago!!), in the middle of the week I'm still not satisfied, feeling lacking of some elements, worrying that the flow doesn't tie w/ the sermon topic. At times, I'm frustrated: frustrated that I am delinquent in identifying the element, frustrated at the numerous coordination for practices, frustrated at the lack of unity, frustrated at lack of time ... frustrated at being yelled at cuz I was late for dinner after practice. Frustration was the theme ... and I felt so alone.
Of course, being me, I tried hard to control myself and not to let the frustration take off and affect my daily life / contacts .. but I know deep down there's this frustration that I need to deal with.
Amazingly, on Friday's bible study the passage chosen by pastor talked to me - Luke 12:13-34. The part that really speaks to me is v.24. Then I keep asking myself, why am I worrying? Is my God not big enough for all these? Why am I worrying when I honestly really did the best I could under the circumstances with "good" intention. God sees cuz I'm more valuable than birds. I felt a bit better and had a great practice that night.
But He knows me well ... concerned enough that I might take on the burden to myself once more that as soon as I walked in my office on Saturday, He reminded me again that I am more valuable than birds .. not to worry. On my desk in the office, I've kept this calendar w/ a bible verse for each day. [I always like to get my dates right before I work (cuz we are in such a deadline driven enviornment) that one of the first things I do when I walk in my office is to turn the page to the correct date .. and the passage for Mar 3 is Mt 6:26 "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"
As soon as I saw that I almost cried .. I was deeply touched. God does not only assure me that I'm not alone, He's there w/ me. He also keeps reminding me I'm more valuable than birds. Thought I had a better grasp of my value after these years .. but He knows way more about me .. hahaha .. Yes, it is a very comfort and touching feeling to know that God speaks to me through scriptures to encourage, comfort or even rebuke.
Result, if u are interested .. No it wasn't done; but I was able to make it home for dinner that day, thus I was happy. Still need to resolve and put this pressing issue to an end hopefully by this week ... Actually this month will be very pressing for time .. 4 jobs on the go concurrently (what's best is a couple have multiple FS to issue!!), assignments due, various meetings / practices. But I'm not overly worried, cuz He's able. Let's keep practicing to rely not ours, but His strength. =)
Tensions are always there .. I'm very thankful and grateful that my Lord always lead and guide me through a step at a time~~