Saturday, January 28, 2006

Cool ...

How often do you follow your inner voice? I've been trying in the recent past, but today I failed ...

Haven't been on the 5:30pm go-train for the longest time .. when I hopped on it .. it was full of ppl, I had to walk a few carts before finding a seat.

After I settled down, I started my go-train reading while the guy sitting next to me were sleeping. About half way through my ride, the guy woke up and started coughing ... I think he was irritated by his thoat, he brought out his bottle of water and drank some. Then keep clearing his thoat every once in awhile. At first, I just kept reading ... but suddenly a thought came to mind: "Oh! I have some "Fisherman's Friend" on me, may be that would lessen his 'irritation' ... " ...

I started searching in my purse .. for no reason (my purse is not that big), it took me like a minute before I found it .. but when I found it .. I hesitated: "Hm ... would I scare him? May be he'd find me weird and so '8 gwa' ... He seemed to be getting better now ... It is really odd to offer a stranger 'food' ... He might be sceptical ... ..." Thousands of excuses and questions popped up at the same time. However, I can feel my heart deep down to want to help and lessen his suffering ... I asked myself ... What Would Jesus Do? ... For sure, Jesus would walk up to him and offer him help! ...

The train captain announced the upcoming station, it is the station I get off at ... but I still have time .. at least 2 to 3 min. I hesitated and struggled ... the pack of "Fisherman's Friend" was just sitting right at the edge of my purse ... I could easily grap it and hand it over ... But at last, I chose to stand up and walk down the stairs waiting to get off ...

*Sigh* ... feel bad ... where was my passion? Why was I still so timid after all these years~~ The most remarkable thing is .... Found it really irony ... I kept commenting today's world is too cool, yet I myself chose to walk away instead of giving a helping hand.

Saturday, January 21, 2006


心情懷透, 正盡情用文字發洩情緒, 模糊中聽到唱機正在播放一首的詩歌, 當中的詞觸動著我 ...

"凡勞苦重擔 當親近耶穌
必享安息 必得滿足
凡飢渴慕義 來尋求耶穌
必享甘泉 必得飽足

注目看耶穌 定睛看耶穌
聖潔公義主 十架上耶穌
注目看耶穌 定睛看耶穌
謙卑親近主 跟著祂同步 跟著祂同步"

突然心情平靜 ... 找到我的答案 - 要注目定眼看耶穌 ... 但神實在比誰更明白自己 ... 接著的一首歌, 緊緊的繫在我心

"我的心 你要稱頌耶和華
我的心 你要稱頌耶和華


心感神的大愛, 同在, 祂最是明白我, 永遠在我最感孤寂無助時在我身邊拖帶我走 ... 然後淚水隨著樂曲落下, 數算神的恩典 ... 神的應許, 祂的話語是我的力量! 永不改變, 也是不能改。

Friday, January 20, 2006

Don't waste MY life

"Don't waste your life" - 一個十分catchy 的標題, 叫我無法不去把它取下閱讀 ... 最近越看這書給我更大的insight ... 叫我的腦袋又不停的轉動 ... 讓我和你分享一些內容吧﹗

(Jesus Christ) himself is what we need. If we only trust Christ to give us gifts and not himself as the all-satisfying gift, then we do not trust him in a way that honors him as our treasure. We simply honor the gifts. (Piper, p.70)

.. the greatest joy in God comes from giving his gifts away, not in hoarding them for ourselves ... God's glory shines more brightly when he satisfies us in times of loss than when he provides for us in times of plenty. (Piper, p.72)

Christ aims to be magnified in life most clearly by the way we experience him in our losses. ... When everything in life is stripped away except God, and we trust him more because of it, this is gain, and he is glorified. (Piper, p.73)

[2 Co 4:16-17] "Momentary" refers to a lifetime in comparison with eternity. "Slight" refers to suffering and death compared to the weight of everlasting joy in the presence of God. This is what we gain if hold fast to Christ. This is what we waste if we don't. (Piper, p. 73)

We cannot avoid risk even if we want to. Ignorance and uncertainty about tomorrow is our native air. (Piper, p.81)

... it is right to risk for the cause of Christ, and not is to waste your life. (Piper, p.81)

Monday, January 16, 2006

Busy season stress already started

昨天晚上睡得很是不好 ... 當黃昏與家人到商場逛時 (其實total 只逛了less than an hour)﹐實在太倦 ... 結果不到半句鐘, 我便要到 food court 坐下及小睡片刻才可支持到飯局 ... 真是從未如此這般 ...

話說昨天(Sat)﹐ 因為早上有appointment, 黃昏又有相約了數位姊妹及朋友到一個基督徒聚會﹐ 便決定不回公司﹐只work from home for a bit, 所以還有未完成的工作﹐便決定星期一提早到公司finish the work ... 昨晚在半夜時不斷的"扎"醒 ... wonder 為何﹔鬧鐘遲遲未響 ... 終於忍耐不住看看桌上的鐘 ... "嘩﹗乜快七時多﹐那我如何能早回公司完成工作?" .. 整個人便醒了﹐ 責怪自己為何會教錯鬧鐘!! 當靜心再想想﹐ NO!! 今天是星期天呀!! 但可惜已再不能好好入睡 ... 哎 ... 當發覺原來自己已習慣一個星期只有一天不用上班時, 便感嘆busy season stress 的威力!! 真的很是不健康!!!!

Thursday, January 12, 2006

False hope

昨晚又收到一個不愉快的消息 ... 想不到在短短的五個星期中﹐有四位自己直接或間接相識的親友相繼離世 ... 加上上星期美國礦場的悲劇﹐ 令腦袋近日不停的轉﹐ 沒有好好的休息。 死亡突然好像十分的接近。 沒有驚恐﹐但有強烈惋惜的感覺 ...

人的生命真的很脆弱。 更是未能預料 ... 看著聽著一個個的生命離開世界﹐很是令人痛心。 工作最近頗忙﹐ 所以沒有太留意新聞。 當週未和家人茗茶時﹐ 才從母親口中得知礦場這悲劇的發生。 聽著聽著﹐不知怎的淚水已在眼珠內不斷的滾動。 當中的感覺是復雜的 ... 一方面感動人間有情﹔ 另一方面替死者的家屬痛悲 - 特別當得知因消息錯誤而帶給他們短暫的 false hope (假的盼望) 時更甚。 那種由天空跌至深淵的心情是極之難受的 ... 但當中更 trigger 自己去想的事是聽到死難者的遺書 ... 當中他們流露了他們對家人的愛﹐ 盼望他日在天堂相見﹐重逢 ... ... (其實真的覺得自己這樣想很是殘忍 ... 但又無法制止不去想 ... ) 當聽到他們遺書的內容自己第一個反應是﹕ 他們是否真有上天堂的把握及確據呢﹖ 不是懷疑﹐ 乃是真的希望他們有正確據﹐ 而不是 false hope, 不是人云亦云的覺得人死後便能到天堂去 ... 到現在我仍覺得自己有這樣的想法很是殘忍﹐ 但卻是揮之不去。

在記憶中﹐每隔一段時間便會有較大型的 poll 問大家覺得自己死後會否到天堂 (at least in the US, I think) ... 每次result 都是大比數覺得自己死後會及能夠。 但教會仍不被重視﹐ 道德觀不斷滑落﹐普遍的價值觀被撓曲 ... 如果每個人都帶著一個 false hope (假的盼望) 活著﹐ 那是多麼悲哀的事!! 當那天真相大白時﹐ 那是多麼悲痛的事 ... 礦場死難者的家屬所有的false hope 只是短暫﹐ 但我們仍可感受及想像他們內心所經歷的悲哀。 假若那 false hope 是一生的﹐那傷害真是令我不敢想像 ...