Thursday, September 28, 2006


I am engaged in doing something called Examen lately ... WHY? WHAT? and HOW?

Let me get into the WHAT first ... Examen is basically an exercise which you asked yourself two questions: a) What am I most grateful for today? b) What am I least grateful for today? The idea comes from Dennis Linn's Sleeping with Bread, a book that I'm currently reading. Why would I pick up this book suddenly? It all go back to the nice lectio divina experience I had one Friday morning .. and the book was listed in the Bibliography of the material. (That would probably take another blog entry to explain and describe).

So .. WHY? An easy answer would be I am currently dying for some directions as to where to proceed in my life. There are options: just that none seems really feasible / workable .. or am I just being lack of faith? I want to explore more ... and find and walk on a path that really utilize my best to achieve the most! If you know me long enough, you know I'm a firm believer of God's guidance. But God's guidance doesn't jump out from nowhere ... so I'm hoping to engage in these activities to really reveal His guidance and also make myself more sensitive to His guidance. Examen is a good tool, I believe, as it helps me to reveal what gifts and passions God had and had not given me.

Being a science student (well .. back in high school) and one who likes to think, I do try to find out the root cause of my own behavior .. but w/out Examen, I'd just do it casually, meaning only do it when I feel like it. With Examen and getting myself to commit to the Examen, help me be more discipline. I've just started for approximate a week ... Interesting enough, I haven't found anything astonishing so far, mainly just reconfirming my passion ... but I found it a good way for me to explore myself deeper in a different way ... especially to find out what is the one moment I most grateful / least grateful .. some days I have to think really really hard and debate within myself what is THE most grateful or THE least grateful moment. And it is interesting to see that I'm not an overly positive nor negative person .. as in some day I find it easier to come up with the most grateful, in others the least grateful ... Am I really balance?? No .. not that extreme .. hahaha

I enjoy this exercise .. as it gives me a moment to really review and reflect; to see how God has blessed me every day .. and to see my deepest needs, weaknesses etc ... Sometimes we take everyday for granted .. we think every day is the same, but actually every moment is an experience and every day is a new day. Able to review and reflect on what happened in our lives is important to keep at least myself in sanity.

I don't know if it really would give me a solution on my burning desire to get some direction ... but I really enjoy doing it .. so think I'd continue on ... ^.^

Monday, September 18, 2006

Give thanks for such a wonderful home group

Yesterday, I was listening to "Give thanks" .. a very familiar tune that I probably have all lyrics memorized and can "recite" without much thought ... Yet the version I was listening to is a bit different ... it's slower and much *grand* ... so I was able to really "taste and see" the lyrics ... then it moved my heart so deep that I was in tears~~~ Yes ... there's really a lot I give thanks for and I have been giving thanks for ... cuz I know .. without God, there's no me ... at least not the one everyone is seeing now. God really takes me through a lot!! I give thanks for all the goodnesses He gifted me .. I also give thanks for all the challenges for I always found Him there beside me .. walking with me.

Then today .. we had an awesome home group gathering .. I give thanks for my home group .. as I really see how the group grew together .. how our bondings deepen .. how we support each other in our faith journey ... It is true that our faith may differ within the group, some may be stronger, some weaker ... Yet from the sharing I see how we were each others' support to grow deeper in Christ .. It is really amazing and touches my heart. I know that's the fellowship that God really calls us for; that's the church that God builds.

I was just in awe sitting there, listening to brothers and sisters of all ages witnessing the work of God ... life changing witnesses ... God's been doing amazing things among us, but let us not just sit back and enjoy the moment for too long ... I'm sure God has a lot more blessings for us to see and taste ahead ... We haven't reached the goal yet ... Let's continue to taste and see His blessings and doings all along the race.

"Taste and see that the Lord is good ... " (Psalms 34:8)

P.S. I was reading the above scripture one Friday morning with a best friend of mine in a very quiet yet beautiful retreat site ... In green pastures .. w/ quiet waters ... so nice ... When I read the passage ... "taste" and "see" really jumped out at me ... and when I think more on the passage ... I kinda see the following: "see" is more passive .. cuz when something happens in front of us or around us .. we see automatically no matter if you want to or intended to or not. Yet "taste" requires an action of ours ... to willing to experience something, to take that in and to taste it (not swallow) .. it needs a leap of faith. It gave me a challenge at the time, I was asking how was I, am I and will I taste the goodness of the Lord ... Yet today ... I saw it a bit differently ... I saw that God is still in control .. He's still the one taking initiative. He not only let me see .. but let me taste His goodness .. so that I know first hand that He's really good ... that the little faith me can really know deep in the heart that He is good!! I'm still a baby in His arm getting fed!! Hahaha .. got to admit .. this feels good!! (yea yea .. I know .. I can't be a baby all the time .. but just for a little while, ok?? ) But my conclusion is still unchange! Yes, God is good and God is really good!!! With a sincere prayerful heart, I pray that one day my beloved parents can experience His goodness and the love and joy that He brings.

Friday, September 15, 2006


I like writing ... yes, like writing more than talking .. may be I'm a slow person, can't take things too fast .. and writing gives me the time to pause, think and reflect. I don't know if you find it this way, but sometimes I find we talk way faster than we think, which results in lots of misunderstanding, confusion, hurt ... you name it. May be it's easier to control our hands than our tongue. Or cuz writing kinda "last forever" that people will be more serious and responsible about it. To me, writing is also a great way for me to express myself, share my thoughts, enhance my creativity ... It also calms me down and help me get my "facts" straight.

Even though I like writing, you can tell I have a BIG problem keeping up with my writing!!! Yes, it's all because of my weakness in overcoming the first step - to sit down and write ... First step is always always the hardest .. and often times I'm too timid to take on the challenge!! But I really do want to do more writing .. Why?? It's something I enjoy doing .. and it is something that help me to understand myself a bit more .. my thought process. It is really fascinating to realize how much we do not know about ourselves ... And who knows .. may be one day, I'll just write!! (will u buy a copy if I really do??) So I really want to take this first step ... may be it's too late .. well .. it's never too late!! Thanks to Olia, my coach, for encouraging me to do more writing. (hahhaa .. yes, I know you encouraged me to do more .. but ... hahahaha .. one at a time, one at a time .. and hahaha .. it's always the one that I'm most passionate about =P )

OK .. really not sure how much I can hold this for (esp when busy season clicks in .. and assignments are due) but I wanna give it a try ... to try to write a little something ... hm.. say .. once a week ... Will you keep me accountable? Yes, we all need support and reminders throughout our lives.. Thank God that I have you!! ^.^