... ...

踏出 funeral 的心情和腳步都是沈重的 ... 在短短的兩星期內, 參加了兩個的喪禮, 一位老太太及一對年輕的夫婦 ... 雖然和離世的人不太熟諗/ 認識 ... 但仍能感受到那種傷痛. 特別在他們至愛的家人眼中及面上流露出來...

一部份的感受是來至那些我相熟, 我認識的朋友的傷痛 ... 不知何時開始, 我變得 more sensitive ... 我好像開始能感受一些別人正在經歷的感受般 ... 這些讓我和人的距離拉近了 ... 另一部份是直接的 ... 我為他們的靈魂"擔憂" (if that's the right word), 特別是一些未認識神的朋友 ... ... 我會衷心為他們的靈魂禱告, 雖然不知神的決定是什麼, 但我相信祂的決定, 因為祂是公義, 仁慈又有憐憫的神 ..

bad news

Heard some bad news over the weekend, a siter-in-law and a brother-in-law of one of my good friends were killed in a car accident last Friday ... I met them when planning and helping out in my friend's wedding this summer ...

I don't know them well .. but it is still sad to learn about it ... don't even know the words to comfort my friend ...

Though there seem to be a lot of controllable, there are yet more uncontrollable in life. Treasure every moment and every person you encounter in life~~ Live it to its fullness!!

Belated "instant response"

"... as long as God knew where I was, He could cause anybody in the world to know where I was. As long as He knew my need, He could place that need on the heart of anybody He chose." (Blackaby, p.9)

This once was my favourite quote (don't get me wrong, it still is!) attached to all my outgoing emails ... the lines are still highlighted, the page flagged, but the words have slipped out of my mind for long ... for as long as may be 3 years ... How forgetful humans are!!

Although I always praised Lord for His good timing throughout these years, I think my faith is not as strong. Over years I become more skeptical ... I wanted more and more proofs and/or collaboration before I have the faith to say: Yes, Lord! I know it is from you ...

You made me for a purpose ... You put me in certain situations for a purpose ... You put different people around me at different times for a purpose ... Not only for the purpose so that I can serve You through these people, but for the purpose that You can move me into Your agenda through these people and/or situations.

Hm ... a verse came to mine: "Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love." (Rev 2:4) ... But it is not so much about love, but faith. Then it comes my favourite verse: "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." (Pr 4:23)

Yes, we always need to be consciously on guard, and keep reminding ourselves and each other ... cuz we are forgetful, and cuz the world is too "influential" yet it is twisted. Praying that I can be more sensitive and have the spiritual senses to "taste" the things happen around me, and really be able to better understand His agenda for me!!

-- my belated "instant reflection". =)

~~ special thanks to my dear mentor for the great reminder!!

God's agenda

星期六傍晚時份, 教會有異象分享會 ... 原本我不能出席, 因為父母回航的班機預期在相約時間到達 ... 當然有點失望. 怎料, 星期五晚上, 媽媽打電話說班機會延遲起飛, 吩咐我們記緊先check schedule 才到機場. 當星期六check schedule 時, 班機足足延遲了兩個多小時才起飛! 那未我便能出席異象分享會. 真是一個神蹟~~

當日因有幾個appointment / commitment, 又因自己躲懶遲遲不願起牀, 早上便沒有安靜的時間靈修 ... 但在分享會中, 神藉牧者的一句說話給自己很大的提醒及反思 ... 他說: 作一個屬靈領袖, 應作的便是領人入神的計劃 (move people into God's agenda) ... 已記不起我在那裡看過或聽過這句說話 ... 第一次聽到時便十分認同, 可是久而久之便又把它拋諸腦後 ... 每每又把焦點放在自己 -- 自己所想或所應為對的 ... 對某些弟兄姊妹的"期望"已不是measure 他們是否進入神的計劃, 乃是我的標準 ...

盡管我時常提醒自己不要論斷別人 ... 不在未親身經歷或探討事實真相前莽下定斷 ... 自己其實在不知不覺間於某程度上已對某些肢體下定斷 ... 想到神在以賽亞書中declares: "for my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways." (Isaiah 55:8) 感覺羞愧 ...

我願我能更明白神的心意, 走在祂的計劃之中 ... 更願 ... 知道這個會是一個很大的挑戰, 但我真的希望能幫助神放在我身邊的家人, 朋友, 弟兄姊妹等 ... 幫助他們進入神的計劃 ... only and only God's plan!! 共勉之~~

Just a random thought

hm ... is everyone's definition the same? Lately, somehow this pop up in a conversation ...

"is it naive or stupid??"

Hm ... I dunno ... it's hard to draw between the lines sometimes ... but I guess a follow up question would be .. "do you want to be naive or stupid then??"


I'm yet to make my own conclusion, if at all ... how about you??

憐憫

昨天早晨第一次在自己駕車時有bumping事件 (feel like bumping car in "reality") ... 在差不多到達目的地時, 我進入轉左lane, 可能地面積雪較多, 車子未能在預期的距離停下, 結果bump into 前面的車 ...

當時有點驚惶, 因為從未試過碰到人家的車子... 但神真恩待我, 對方好友善, 當下車檢察車時, 發覺對方的bumper 上有少許的"花痕" (scratches). 他猶豫了一會然後說: "沒有關係, 只是很少的事罷了" ... 跟著還問我是否OK ...

當時的感覺是... hm ... 是憐憫 ... 憐憫在現實生活上顯出來是何等的美善 ... 然後想到神對自己更大的憐憫, 心裏感恩不斷~~

Name Change

Now that I'm surrounded by "numbers" over 12 hours a day, thought might as well change my name to a number - to really hide away in numbers ... and "0909" comes to mind ... Aside the fact that it looks like a mirror image of my nick "POPO", it is also a very special date in my life. Four years ago on 0909, I accepted God's invitation and accepted Jesus Christ as my personal saviour.

Four years already ... time flies, and at times I wish it is slower ... But God's grace and mercy are always more than Enough!!

差遣我

最近到了讚美之泉的巡迴敬拜聚會... 當中有一首以前從未聽過的詩歌, 歌詞很好... 很觸動自己... 聚會完後, 我便立刻到會場外去購買這隻CD ... 然後記起...

其實這張CD 早在多個月前的書室中看到... 當時拿在掌心, 心在掙扎要否把它買下來... 最後我沒有, 因為覺得message 好像好重, 自己未ready ...

神真是對我這個軟弱的人很好... 永遠都給我憐憫 ... 很多時候真的感到慚愧, 不配, 因自己對神的回應常是遲緩, 但祂總是給我機會 ... 沒有放棄我, 沒有撇下我不理. 當我最不可愛時, 祂仍深愛我...

有時候真的很怕 ... 怕自己對神的愛心不能持久, 會經不起考驗 ... 但我知道祂會幫助我, 會找緊我 ... 雖然前面的方向是怎樣還是不知道, 但願我更明暸神的旨意, 叫我更有信心的, 更有目標的走我人生的路, 榮耀祂!
願意和大家分享這首詩歌, 希望它都成為你的禱告...

<<差遣我>>
主告訴我 如何獻上我的生命
帶希望入人群中
主告訴我 如何付出我的關懷
將溫暖帶入世界

我看到靈魂中的憂傷
孤獨中人的心在角落顫抖

差遣我 差遣我 我願付出我所有
差遣我 到需要祢的人群中
充滿我 充滿我 用祢愛來充滿我
再一次 緊握他們的手

Abstract from PDL Daily Devotional

February 1, 2005 Daily Devotional

From God’s point of view our struggles are over that fast. He knows what He’s doing. He knows why things happen, even if we never do. He has His purposes, and that’s what faith is all about: believing this when we’re stuck in the long haul. All along the way God knows the outcome.

And I suppose there is a way you could say this was true for all of us who put our trust in God for whatever we are going through, and whatever the outcome, including even death itself. God sees it completed. His healing is instant. His comment is always going to be the same.

“But she’s okay now!”

Blessed be YOUR name!!

I am so blessed ... Never knew how many angels God has put in my life ... my bad, my oversight ... I'm so blessed to have so many different circles of friends who give me a gentle pad on the shoulder, inspiring and encouraging words, and most importantly, enormous sincere prayer support~~ Blessed be YOUR name~~~~

退休金

最近參加一個關於退休金的講座, 當中有一位中年女仕好緊張地問了一條問題. 如果退休後她過了身, 那些退休金便自動轉到她丈夫的名下, 那未如果他丈夫另娶, 然後他丈夫過身, 那筆原本屬於她的退休金是否會歸給他另娶的太太身上. 答案是肯定的. 那位女仕然後很激烈及認真地說: 那她一定要比她丈夫長壽!

不知道你看後的感覺如何 ... 我便覺得那位女仕好可憐, 為了不願被別人分享她以為屬她的, 便一生也要背負著"outlive" 她丈夫的擔子 ... 更何況這根本並不是她能控制的. 我心想既然自己都不屬於這個世界時, 為何不可以放手? 究竟她是不捨得自己辛勞的金錢落入他人身上, 還是她不願自己的丈夫另娶? 我的直覺覺得是後者.

可能我太天真, 但我覺得莫非要在世的人在自己過身後每日執著自己的相或遺物哭個大半天, 才能表明他愛自己嗎? 撫心自問, 我們又會否願意看見自己所愛的人沈淪於這個狀態不願接受現實, 沒有生命地活下去? 若果他能找到一個伴侶陪伴他快樂積極地走完下半場, 那不是件美事麼?

至於我, 我想只要他不是在我入土後的幾天便"另結新歡" 便可以. 但其實我未必會知, 就算知, 也不能作什麼罷! 那又為何執著令今天的自己活在?測及痛苦中呢?

more than Enough~~

記得於年多前, 到Florida公幹 ... 那種每日由公司到酒店, 由酒店又回公司, 不見天日的日子令我身心疲累. 在一個星期天的早上有機會到酒店附近的一間教會聚會 ... 這首詩歌很觸動我

All of You is more than enough for all of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough
...

神的供應很足夠, 恩典很足夠; 神便是足夠!

自此不斷在尋覓這首歌 ... 我首先從綱上購得這首歌的歌譜, 但一直都未能找到CD. 但當我這幾天剛爭扎完畢, 剛和神說... "ok .. 一切都不要緊, 因為有祢便足夠. 因祢必不撇下我" . 今日在很偶然, 很unexpected 的情況下, 讓我購得一雙好好的CD, 當中有這一首歌!

其實已經在排隊預備付錢, 但突然給一張CD封面深深吸引 ... 很奇怪, 那種吸引力令我不得不拿它來看看 ... 一翻到背面, 便看到Enough及好幾首自己喜愛的歌 ... 在不能再放手的情況下, 我購下這雙CD.

這是生命中很細微的事, 但我不覺得是偶然; 我會感恩 ... 因為我的神是又真又活的!

想念

"想念朋友最好的方法是為他禱告‧"

無意中從一堆買回來已久的書簽中看到這句說話 ... 好同意! 好多時以為相隔甚遠, 乜都做唔到, 但其實不然. 自己可做的可能真係好有限, 但神-無限的那位- 是不被時間地域所限制. 當試著apply的時候發覺整個人變得平靜, 平安, 亦好像和想念的人距離拉近了. 不信? 那下次不防試試為你想念的朋友祈禱吧!

那你呢? 在想念朋友時你又會作什麼?

科技

最近好勤力寫 blog ... 皆因和一位友人開了一個private blog, 讓我們每日去分享我們在讀聖經後的一些感想, reflection 等.

雖然vitual 可能會令人有假的感覺, 但佢都有佢的好處, 就是可以在任何時候任何地方都可以使用, 好方便. 由其當這友人要出國時, 雖然有時差, 又會相距十萬九千里 (當然我沒有度過, 只是隨口說說罷了), 但我仍可以和她一同寫一個blog ... 想到這裡不得不讚嘆科技的神奇.

當然, 我地好多時就會abuse左方便, 有時甚至同同事, 雖然只係相距一條走廊的距離, 但都只係會email 呀, sametime 呀, msn 咁... 好似好唔人性化 ... 心想如果同一屋簷下都是如此境況的話都幾可悲. 好像只有一座座的電腦在生存, 世界變得十分十分靜 ... 人和人只是靠"電"來聯係 ... 那末究既是人控制電腦, 還是電腦去控制人呢?

Excited

Today Fa and I decided to create a blog for our devotion sharing .. so excited.

甘願作出犠牲

看著 desktop 的 post-it memo, 上面寫著 "甘願作出犠牲, 多領一人歸主" ... 當我第一次看到這句說話時, 很觸動我, 很敬重寫這句說話的人 (雖然我不知他是誰). 但今日看時, 又有另一種體會. (但並不表示我不再敬重這位作者, 只要又另一體會而已) 其實我們為神看似是犠牲的"付出", 根本並不是真的犠牲, 乃是神用另一個渠道去祝福我們. 正如今次踏上短宣一般, 很多人,包括自己, 在出發前都以為是自己願意付出小小的時間, 假期, 去為神多作工, 但其實當中自己所作的很少, 收獲卻怎多. 由決定嘗試報名參加直到現在, 都感受到神無比及豐盛的恩典: 在短時間內 reschedule client meeting, 再次申請假期, 得到父母的同意, 及能及時報名等等都比預期順利.

在行程當中最感恩的是神不單讓我在這行程中增壙見聞, 操揀自己的愛心, 更一直陪著我行, 讓我切實的體會到神的預備永遠都是無械可擊!! 就算自己在某些情況下信心動搖, 有懷疑的事候, 內心抱怨的事候, 神都沒有離開, 讓我最終看到祂的旨意, 看到祂最美好的安排. 神是遠比任何人更了解, 更明白我的缺點及長處, 祂便按著我的性格去引導我, 去鼓勵我作個準確的決定. 真是從未如此試過這般地感受到神計劃的奇妙, 美善! 每一次都叫我從心內呼叫一句: Sorry! You are really amazing!! [Sorry 是因為之前的小信 ... 希望經過今次以後不用說太多"sorry" ... ]

話又說回來, 既然收獲如此豐富, 遠超過所付出的, 那末我又何來犠牲呢? 其實神只要求我們踏前一步, 更緊貼祂的腳踪, 其他的一切祂已好好的為我們預備了.

Starring at the post-it memo on my desktop, it says: "willing to sacrifice to save one more soul" ... When I first encounter this phrase, I was touched, really respect the one who says it (though I'm yet to find out who the person is). But when I read it again, I have another thought (not that I disagree the phrase, or no longer respect the "author" ... just another thought).

When we think we are sacrificing for Christ, to give up something, we are actually being blessed, being blessed through another medium. Just like this mission trip, many people, include myself, initially thought I'm giving up some of my time, vacation, to serve God, but in reality, what I gave was so little, what I gain was sooo much!!

From the time I decided to join the trip up to now, I have been experiencing His endless blessings: able to reschedule client meetings, asking for another vacation, getting my parents' permission and able to register on time, all done within a short period of time and kinda smoothly!!

During the trip, I am thankful for the "eye-opener" experience, the chance to work on my passion for people, but I am more thankful for God being with me all the time, and always have the unbeatable plan for me!!! Even when I am lack of faith, in doubt, complaining, He never left me alone; He always let me see how great is His plan, and since He know me inside out, He even lead and helped me to make the right decision in following Him. Never really had that experience before, to really experience how Great and how Beautiful His plans are!!

The gain is way more than what is given up, don't think it qualifies as being a "sacrifice". God is only waiting for us to make a step forward, closer to His step, and He has already taken care of the rest!

Rest!!

咁大個女第一次倦到起唔到身... 今早鬧鐘響過了, 很倦便又把響鬧時間延遲十五分鐘。 如是這般數次, 到不能再遲便拖著疲乏的 身體起牀。 梳洗完畢, 看完一節聖經, 我的眼睛已不能再掙開。 便又拖著疲乏的身子回到 牀上。

在 濛瀧中醒來時已是下午十二時許!! 差不多睡了十二小時, 但仍倦得很﹐太晚了﹐要 call in sick ... 對我而言, 這是很旱見的事。

然後想起最近看的一本書﹐ 當中談到睡覺。 作者說﹕睡覺不但是一個事工, 更是一個信心的表現。 (Sleeping is not only a ministry; it is also an expression of faith. -- R. Paul Stevens)

這喚醒了我﹕常覺得自己體力應付得了, 自恃撑得住。 願可用多一點點時間來作工 ... 但其實人真是有限...

願我們同勉﹐ 好好善用時間﹐但也要好好管理神已經托付了給我們的身子!!