"Be Still, and know that I am God!" has been popping up a lot lately ... I know I need to "Be Still" ... Yet ... it's quite a challenge ... esp when there lays many "tasks" (though I use this term I do enjoy doing them in the process) ... yet still the message keeps coming back ... "be still" ... (so I know I was trying to rationalize ... instead I just need to "be still" and listen)
haha ... no .. this blog is not about being still (at least not what I intended - what a poor introduction .. I know .. but haha .. it's me .. ideas are always truncated, and I'm not a pro. writer!!) .. Well, cuz I'm still listening and learning .. need more time to experience and to digest before sharing .. Yet, I was reading a book lately and something caught my eyes, it was related to the topic of my last blog - forgiveness .. it's a good book yet I wasn't expect to read something about this when I read the book.
Anyway, in the book it says "Forgivenss does not mean that we will cease to hurt. The wounds are deep, and we may hurt for a very long time." "Forgiveness does not mean that we will forget ... we remember, but in forgiving we no longer use the memory against others." "Forgiveness is not pretending that the offense did not really matter ... the offense is real, but when we forgive, the offense no longer controls our behaviour." (Foster, p. 187) "Forgiveness is not acting as if things are just the same as before the offense." (Foster, p. 188)
"What then is forgiveness? It is a miracle of grace whereby the offense no longer separates ... Forgiveness means that the power of love that holds us together is greater than the power of the offense that separates us." (Foster, p.188)
I really like how Foster puts all these ideas in words - so simple yet says much. Admire it a lot as I really lack the skill!! (feeling sorry for all of you who are reading my blog)
Yes, a lot of hurts I never forget .. As a matter of facts, I can still shed a tear or two when I revisit them ... even in matters where I know dearly and truly that I had forgiven ... The hurt and pain can never be forgotten. I used to be bothered by it .. and thus started to hate myself for not "forgiving" more completely ... Although I questioned if I can revisit them causally as if they never happen, never happen on me, wouldn't I, then, doubt whether it is a deep hurt? It's a true dilemma, yet I thought I should be better at that and be able to "forgive" more through the power of Christ ... Thanks to Foster's clarification!! The power of Christ does not help me to forget or magically make the experience less hurtful, instead the power is to help me to hold the other in love, notwithstanding the pain and offenses in us. It is a truly beautiful pictures.
Back to "be still" ... I got an insight today .. depite my body is weak (really think I'm getting sick - feeling cold, headache and limbs are weak ... but trying to hang on as many things coming due that I can't really "allow" [hey, am I the one to control??] myself to be sick) ... my heart is at peace ... so peaceful, just like a 水平如鏡的湖 ("very calm lake") ... the wind might blow fiercely around, but magically the lake is not affected, not a ripple is "formed." Cuz I know He was, and is, and will be my God!!
Foster, Richard J. Prayer - finding the heart's true home. New York, New York: HarperCollins Publishers, 1992.