Thursday, December 10, 2009


Everyone wants to be loved and to be understood ... but how often do we put too much expectations on others, and how often do people just being too insensitive and pushing the line too much? Like any other things on earth, there's the tension, the dilemma ...

I don't eat lamb for its "weird" taste (at least to me) ... but I learn to tolerate it so that I can sit comfortably with others who eat and enjoy it. At times, I even ate a little piece of it when I'm around people who really love it and think I'm really missing out the best thing on earth, yet I'd never order lamb as main course -- to me it is a torture.

Yet, when I open my lunch box, it's lamb .. I actually didn't aware of it until I started eating ... First reaction, wanted to spill it out~~ I understand the effort and all the work has been put into preparing this, I know I *should* appreciate it, but at that time, I was angry ... I really am, for I know they know do know I don't eat lamb. Why force me to eat it? And a whole bowl of it!!!

Seconds after, I was angry with myself for getting angry ... why don't I appreciate the work in preparation? why do I have to react so negatively? It is not like I'm allergic to it, it is not poison ... I don't think I'll die after eating the lunch ... why can't I just eat it with gratitude? Don't you see there are many out there starving, and you are sitting here being picky about your food?

Yet, I expect them to understand and never force me to eat something I don't like ... is it too much of an expectation to ask? They know it, it is not news to them ... It's plainly painful to know people don't care what you like and dislike, and force "something" on you, especially someone close to you~~ BUT ... may be they just forgot about it somehow ...

Starring at the lunch perplexed ... I thought of throwing it all away to express my anger, but think it is too rude on second thought ... so I took all the lamb out into another bowl .. and just ate the rice and vege ... The rice is of taste of lamb too, but it's at least bearable to handle, and the unpleasant taste can be easily "washed" away by a cup of coffee~~

A really really small matter, yet it bugs me ... and I still can't make sense out of it ... is it valid to be angry, to express my pain/ disappointment? or is it plainly immature? ...... Need wisdom ... wisdom to handle and to make right my feelings to self, so that I can own it and not to suppress it ...

Now I also need the grace of God to help me get back into my study and writing up my assignments~~

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