閒, 我所欲也 ...

今年的夏季是特別的, 沒有遊長的假期, 只想好好的放一個假, 休息一下, 放開懷抱放眼看看周遭的人與事 ... 安靜 ...

哈, 可惜 ... 原來我還是真的不太懂安靜, 休息. 無怪神常常要不斷提醒我: 你們要休息, 要知道我是神!!

閒, 我所欲也, 閱讀, 亦我所欲也; 二者不可得兼，舍閒而取閱讀者也。

哈哈, 不知何來的文采, 突然很想 "quote" 以上的一句古詞 ... haha

你現在又是在作什麼決定, 要舍什而取之呢?

Would you please help?

I am currently working on one of my research projects, and need your help to fill out a short survey for me. They are only 9 to 10 questions long. You would fill out only one of the two. Would you help?

A. If you are a regular internet user and had NOT had any interactive online church experience (such as lifechurch.tv and second life church), please fill out this survey - http://www.polldaddy.com/s/D45E6C712101184E/

B. If you had interactive online church experience before, then please fill out this survey - http://www.polldaddy.com/s/82850BEA77C77B8E/

My research topic is "the E-culture and the Church." I would like to look into the impact of the prevailing internet culture to the Church. Since the topic is rather big, I would mainly focus on the emerging interactive online church ministry. Your help in filling the survey would be greatly appreciated!!

Thank you very much!

"有感而慟" 之後 ... Post Lament Youth

走出士浸, 走出有感而慟的音樂賑災晚會, 回到家後便立刻在網上尋找這一個深深感動我的她 - 她的故事, 及屬於她的歌.

她便是袁文婷, 一個只有二十六歲的小一教師 ... 她的優越不只在她的課堂上的教導, 更在她的生命中流露出來 ...

這是她的一剪影 ...

82年出生的她, 幼年喪父, 至幼與母親相依為命 ...
在民主小學任一年級語文老師, 平時較沈默 ...
但對她的工作卻是至誠, 滿有抱負 ... "“每一個學生都是我的孩子，他們都才六七歲，好像一張白纸，他們的未來都在我的手中，我是他們的啟蒙教師 ..."

二零零八年五月十二日 ... 當地開始搖動, 袁老師大聲吼叫: "地震了, 大家快跑 ... " 但很多學生都因驚慌呆站, 走不動 ... 她快速的奔跑, 抱著小孩往外跑 ... 一個 ... 兩個 ... 三個 ... 一次又一次走進教室把孩子救出來 ... 總共是十三次!! 當她放下第十三名小孩吳佳輝後, 又一箭步走進教室 ... "嘭" 的一聲教室倒塌了 ... 被救的小孩都哭嚷著: "袁老師還在裡面 ... "

一個小時後, 緊急救援部隊在癈墟裡找到她, 她身下還有九名小孩 ... 她頭朝下, 雙臂張開, 手都是撘在孩子們身上的 ... 她的青春定格在二十六歲 ...

除了袁文婷和九個孩子, 一年級一班的其他學生全都安全!!

她的朋友及同事作了一首歌"讓我為你點燃一盞燭光"記念她, 其中以下的歌詞最為吸引我 ...

勇敢不是簡單一句語言
勇敢不是只有戰士的陽剛
勇敢是人生價值最美麗的閃光點
....
是你 把死亡留給自己
把希望留給了別人
....
是你 用生命告訴我們
有一種愛叫做永恆

相信在今次四川地震中, 配得我們以歌頌揚記念的又何止一位呢? 可能有更多動人故事都未為人知, 又怎或是永無人知. 但他們的用心 - 把別人的生命燃亮, 帶給這世界一點點的希望, 這一個勇敢的決定是我們不能否定的 ... 但不要讓這決定停止, 讓我們繼續燃點, 繼續燃亮吧~~

袁文婷在地震短短的兩分鐘作了一個勇敢的決定 ... 你我在這世代活著的決定又是什麼? 是否為著自己的學業, 前途, 家庭, 健康等問題仍卻步不前? 是否因擔心, 憂慮, 忿怒, 失望, 不願面對明天? 年輕人, 讓我們都鼓起勇氣, 不再瑟縮家中, 沈醉在自我的夢境裡, 昂然踏上前路吧!! 與各人一同前行吧! 這世界需要你我~~ We are the world!

"一宿雖然有哭泣，早晨便必歡呼。" (詩三十: 5)
這黑夜可能是艱苦漫長, 但深信因有拯救的神, 因有同行的人, 我們有力量迎接早晨!

"不可叫人小看你年輕，總要在言語、行為、愛心、信心、清潔上，都作信徒的榜樣。" (提前四: 12)
袁文婷沒有因為年輕退縮, 她的行為, 愛心都作了多人的榜樣 ... 唯眾人所敬重~~

在聚會終結前, 大會向眾人發出一個挑戰 ... 叫我們都把繞著黃絲帶的手伸出, 感受一下在瓦礫中伸出軟弱的手盼望被救的災民的感受 ... 我們只舉了短短的十數分鐘 ... 他們卻是在黑暗中等候了數十小時 ... 雖然這真是微不足道, 但讓我們真的不要忘記去感受, 不要被過度的資訊痳林. 願我們不要忘記: "與哀哭的人要同哭" (羅十二: 15). 就如今早牧師說: "若一個肢體受苦，所有的肢體就一同受苦." (林前十二: 26). 讓我們不要再活在自己的小世界了~~

共勉之~~

有關更多袁文婷的資料: http://baike.baidu.com/view/1600966.html
收聽"讓我為你點燃一盞燭光"
Flash http://xcb.suse.edu.cn/drzg.swf
mp3 http://xcb.suse.edu.cn/让我为你点燃烛光.mp3


Walking out of SCBC, out from Lament Youth Concert, I quickly went home, and the first thing I did was to get on the internet and research more about this girl - her touching story, and her song.

Her name is Yuen Man-Ting, 26, grade 1 teacher. She is outstanding not only on her teaching, but on how she live out her life ... The following is an "abstract" of it.

Born in 82, lost her dad when she's little and lives with her mom since ...

Teaching Grade 1 Chinese in "Man Zhu Primary School", was kinda quiet ...

She is full of passions and expectations towards her teaching ... "Everyone of my student is my child. They are only 6 / 7 years old, like a white sheet of paper, their futures are all in my hands, I am their mentor, their inspiring teacher ... "

May 12, 2008 ... when the ground started shaking, Teacher Yuen shouted: "It's earthquake, run quickly!!" But many of the students were shocked and stunned ... not knowing to fled for life ... She quickly moved, grabing a child and went out of the building ... one ... two ... three ... again and again, going back and forth to save the children one by one ... for a total of 13!! When she put down the 13th child "Wu Kai Fei", she ran quickly again into the classroom .... "BANG!" ... the roof collapsed ... the saved children all cried and shouted: "Teacher Yuen is still inside ... "

An hour later, the crisis recovery team came and found her and 9 children in the debris ... Face down, arms open, over the bodies of the children .... Her time stopped at the age of 26 ...

Other than Teacher Yuen and the 9 children, all the other students from the Grade 1 class were safe!!

Her colleagues and friends wrote a song - "Let me light a candle for you" - to memorialize her. The following except lyrics especially touched me:

Brave is not a simple sentence
Brave is not merely the strength of the warriors
Brave is the most beautiful spark of one's value
...
It's You leave death to yourself
leaving hope for others
...
It's You use your life to tell us
there is a love called eternal

I believe there are many more who worth our praises and memorial for their actions in this disaster of Sichuan. May be a lot more touching stories not yet known, or would never be known ... but they all have a message - to light up others' lives, to give a bit more hope to the world. Their brave decisions aren't what we can deny ... Don't let this decision stop, let us continue ... continue to light up!!

Yuen Man-Ting made brave decisions during the short couple-minutes of earthquake ... What about you and me? What are our decisions for those who are alive? Are we still stuck and troubled by our school, career, family, or health problems? Do we refuse to look at tomorrow for our worries, anxieties, anger, or disappointments? Young people, let us be courageous, not hide behind our comfy homes, not be drowned in our own dreams ... march onwards!! Step forward with everyone! This world needs you and me~~ We are the world!!

"Weeping may last for the night, But a shout of joy comes in the morning." (Psalm 30:5)
This night may be rough and long, but due to the Saviour, due to many companions, we will have the strength to wait till the morning!

"Let no one look down on your youthfulness, but rather in speech, conduct, love, faith and purity, show yourself an example of those who believe." (1Timothy 4:12)
Yuen Man-Ting did not back off due to her youthfulness, her action, love became an example of many ... she's being respected by many~~

Before the end of the concert, the organizer gave us all a challenge ... a challenge to stretch out our arm with the yellow ribbon - to feel how those waiting to be saved under the debris felt as they awaited to be saved ... We did this for a full 10 minutes, but they ... they did it in complete darkness for tens of hours ... This is really nothing in comparison, but let us not forget to feel even by little ... let us not be indifferent due to the flooding of information we get each day. Let us not forget to "weep with those who weep" (Romans 12:15). Just as Reverend said this morning: "And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it" (1Corinthian 12:26). Let us not only live in our own little world~~

Let's keep reminding each other about it~~

More info about Yuen Man-Ting (but in Chinese): http://baike.baidu.com/view/1600966.html
Listen to "Let me light a candle for you" (Mandarin)
Flash http://xcb.suse.edu.cn/drzg.swf
mp3 http://xcb.suse.edu.cn/让我为你点燃烛光.mp3

still more thoughts ...

It is depressing and sad to hear news these days: the increasing number of death, the number of missing ... In order to make it less depressing, I think, many news channels put in one or two "touching" stories of those being saved after 48, 72 etc. hours of the earthquake ... Honestly, I have a mixed feeling after hearing them ...

On the one hand, it is exciting and encouraging to know that more people are saved!!! They survived!! It is amazing~~ Yet, I also feel sad and sorry for these people ... for their sufferings, shorter, longer, or even for life ... It's just heartbroken having to learn what kind of suffering they have to endure. It leads me to see how much these people treasure and value their lives that they are determined in seeking survival, LIFE!! How much do I treasure my life? How much do I treasure my various relationships? Would they be significant enough for me to endure much hardships?? What a great big reflection!!

I, at times, wonder if it were to happen in a more developed country or city, would the "survival rate" (# of people saved after say 48 hours or above) be as high? I have an intuitive impression that it would be lower ... cuz having lived in abundance, convenience, and enormous choices .... we seem to forget what suffering is ... It is something we avoid instead of endure~~ We are never trained to endure hardship, we just run away from them, we give up too soon~~~ What are we teaching our next generation? Or are we simply feeding and providing for our next generation without leading them to maturity?? How about myself?? Am I trying to run away and take an easier route to avoid pains and suffering? Or do I really know what I am doing and convicted of my actions and endurance?

Ooops ... think too far ... My prayers are with Sichuan and Burma~ Sichuan and Burma hang in there~~ We are all standing by you ... It's tough, but you can do it~~ No, WE can do it, cuz you are not alone!

more thoughts ...

Hm ... a year's past~~ Do I like my birthday?? Honestly, "MY" birthday - I don't know if I really like it much ... I guess if I learn to love myself more, I probably would like it better, feeling more of a celebration .... My problem!! Though I know cerebrally for no matter how I feel, the fact is I'm fearfully and wonderfully made~~ ^.^ (challenge is to learn it from the heart~)

Thank you for all my friends who remember the day and care to send me msg or call wishing me a happy birthday~~ For sure you made the day happier, brighter and better~~ Thank you for those who celebrated my bday and those who even remember to get my favourite cake!!! (It's REALLY a surprise~~ hahaha ... think I gave you yet a bigger surprise for not recognizing it =P ... sooo embarrassing!!! but the thoughtfulness is much much appreciated~~) Thanks for those who somehow inspired me to "trap" myself to blow tea candles as bday candles!!! (still can't get over my stupidity~~ =P but it's lots of FUN~~) Thank you friends and family - without you, my life would be dull and colorless, without you, I would not be me!!

One thing I like about bday is the "excuse" to get together and catch up with old good friends. Nothing is better than catching up with friends, sharing DEEP full of laughters and even tears, and perhaps prayers ... No any present is better than your thoughtfulness, expressing in humor or sincerity, or both, and your presence, physically, audibly or electronically or however creatively. They all touch my heart deeply every year. After all, I really should learn to celebrate birthday, not because of me for I've lived one more year, but the fact that I have someoneS who filled my life with many wonderful deeds, love, laughters, and memories for another year.

Thank you my dear friends and family, each of you are a Great BIG blessing to my life~~~ THANK you!! Thank you Lord, for your fearfully and wonderfully made creations, and having put them in my life~~

Learning to pray boldly

I'm a slow learner, always need to take the time for things to sink down both in heart and in mind before I can grab a new idea / concept. Been working on a group project lately re: boldness in prayers ... I guess after a month of hard work, it seems to "sink" a bit for me.

I start to challenge myself more as I pray ... do I really mean it? Do I really believe that God can do that? Don't pray superficial prayers! Because of my assurance in Him, I can pray boldly!! These all go through my mind as I pray. No new lesson, it's probably something I've heard since going to church, yet it is making more and more sense to me, continue to lit me over time ... That I believe is REALITY~~

"Taste and see that the Lord is good ... " (Ps 34:8) - one of my favorite bible verses which I like it more and more over time, for I never fail to see THE goodness as I prompt to taste and see.

受傷 ...

想不到人的心是如此的脆弱, 更想不到的是 ... 自己亦不能幸免. 傷心並不是要眼淚不斷地下滑, 也不一定要呼天搶地 ... 可以是很平靜, 安靜 ... 眾人看不出你的哀傷, 那未便可以自憐, 沈醉在自己的思緒中. 是失望, 是開始有點兒灰心 ... 為何, 為何總是如此?? 不被理解, 反被誤會, 被中傷 ... 年復一年, 每況愈下 ... 連自己也開始懷疑 ... 像是沒有進步, 成熟, 感覺虚空 ... ... 真的怕, 真的怕心已淡了 .... 但會傷心應總不算太冷吧~~ 這份心疼又有誰明, 又有誰願意傾聽? (唯獨祢~~)

這樣的心情讓我想起這首歌 ... (前奏開始...)

燈光也暗了 音樂低聲了
口中的棉花糖也融化了
窗外陰天了 人是無聊了
我的心開始想你了

*電話響起了 你要說話了
還以為你心裡對我又想念了
怎麼你聲音變得冷淡了
是你變了 是你變了

燈光熄滅了 音樂靜止了
滴下的眼淚已停不住了
天下起雨了 人是不快樂
我的心真的受傷了

我的心真的受傷了

Mar 1008 poem

I like poems .. a good way to express feelings, wild ideas and many more ... Haven't written for long that it's getting rusty (though I wonder if it ever being better =P ). Anyway, here's an idea came to mind again that I would like to dedicate to all my dear friends~~

Mar 1008 poem
You are an awesome creation
. in the image of Your Master
You have tons of potential
. for being who you are

With the fall of human nation
. creatures are all being defaced
Thanks to His unfailing love
. we are never effaced

For His great mercies and love
. genuine fellowship is made available
In truth, in love, and in wisdom
. we build each other up to the optimal potential

Should I shy away from being pinpointed my weaknesses
. remind me of this fishy poem
Gently and continuously stand by my side
. holding me up and be my companion

Forgive my straight abrasive comments
. there are no harmful intention
Forgoing my gentle reputation
. for a growing brighter star

Treasure your genuine fellowship
. and the walk with me today
Remembering every bit of it
. till the everlasting day

"誰? 是誰說我固執的?"

"誰? 是誰說我固執的?" - 這是一張金牛座書籤的句語, 相信是來形容我吧! 哈哈~~~ 準確嗎? 見人見智吧!!

是, 我是一個有立場的人 ... 我亦是一個在明確,知道,清楚,自己立場時是會堅持的人 ... 但我又不太覺得自己在任何的事上都只堅持己意 bor ... 當然, 皆因我的理性, 我不能完全不明所以地接受別人的立場, 我是需要你帶我到你的 thought process, 從你的觀點看, 從而讓我明白你的出發點及觀點.

不過, 固執真是很主觀的 ... 因為我可以在某些人面前像是很隨和, 皆因我願意接受,順服及降服; 但在某些人身上可能因為不信任的原因吧, 我不會輕易放下自己的立場 ... 有時, 又因為事件的輕重, 一些對我毫無"痛癢"的事, 我會 be very indifferent. 但一些我執著的事, 我覺得重要的事, 我會好堅持, 因為正確在這些事上對我來說是重要的. 譬如說: 最近有個提倡"一人一laptop" 的 non-profit 機構帶動供給一些第三世界的小朋友多一點有 quality 的教育, 勸籲大家sponsor 這個運動 ... 本人同意高質素的科技有助提供教育, 但我覺得若人只專注提高科技或教育而忘卻在第三世界中仍有很多兒童在生命邊緣掙扎便是不洽當. 我會堅持這是應有優次之分 (priority on sponsorship), 特別是有很多助養兒童的機構已經注入教育的成份 ... 難道人的生命不比更高的科技及教育質素可貴嗎? 我便可以因這個觀點及立場與人辯論數十分鐘也不竭止 ... 哈哈.

但現在深想 ... 我也許是一個固執地不承認自己是一個固執的人 ... 何以見之? 便是由這篇小小文章吧!! 哈哈~~~ 我想我真是鐵一般的金牛座吧~~~ But I always think awareness is the first step to adjustment~~ hahahahaha .... =)

"Overcomer" ©

Saw a passage today, it is really meaningful that I wanna share.

"Overcomer"©
"Lord, You know i'm pushing on
to run this race
i fix my eyes on You
in everything i face
even when my feelings say it isn't so
Your Truth that beats
inside my heart won't let me go
with every step of faith,
You strengthen me
along every mile of trust,
You're remaking me
'tho a trail of tears
mark the path that i've come
until in Your arms...
i'll continue to run
(Heb 12:1-22, 2 Cor 4: 8-9)"
www.remembermejewelry.com/symbols.html, Jan 8, 08


Yes, we are all running a race, but whose strength are we relying on to run this race? Our inborn physical strength, our intelligence, our endurance or our will? As this passage, we need to realize we are not running this race on our own, but with our God. We need to learn not to run in our own strength, but rely on Him who strengthens us to finish this race; no matter short or long. No matter where you are in the race, it is never too late to pick up and continue to run your race with Him, with His strength.

Realizing His presence and He's running the race with us is not the toughest to learn, but to rely on Him and not ourselves. At times, I thought I learned how to rely, yet I start to realize more and more that I am inadequate in it. I'm still using my own strength to protect myself from hurt, I'm often using my talent and skills to "secure" my life/path/goal. But it's never too late to learn and to continue learning. I'm sure He's sooo pleased whenever God sees us walking back onto the right path, standing up from where we fell and continue to move forward in our journey - and He'll put on a BIG smile when looking at us.

Also, the phrase "i fix my eyes on You in everything i face even when my feelings say it isn't so" caught and touched me most. Yes, we need to trust Him and His Word for He's faithful, and not merely our feelings. I sometimes wonder if I can trust unconditionally all the time ... It's tough, but I believe and trust that it is not undoable.

苦不堪言

因為上一次的革命尚未成功, 最近又再次進入與H. Pylori(XX"羅旋菌)的戰鬥中. 唉! 不知怎的便是和它紏纏不清, 真是廢解!! 昂貴的藥物已經令錢包叫苦連天, 但最苦都係這個一星期的療程, 每天要定時吃數粒的大大藥丸. 療程都未到一半, 我的口腔已經苦不堪言, 不知天下間有什麼食物或飲品可以化解.

這個世界看事物永遠都有兩面, 今次的另一面便是叫我這個對藥物反感度極高的人, 終於學懂吞吃藥丸 ... 哈哈哈!!

不過真是好苦 ... 但苦口良藥, 都要堅持 ... 希望今次的 84% 成功率兌現吧!

每逢佳節倍思親 ...

每逢佳節倍思親 ...

聖誕節快到了, 突然想到了很多久未見面的親戚朋友, 師長 ... 能電聯的 - 或電郵或電話或 facebook 或 MSN 等 - 還好 ... 但有些已失去聯略 ... 自問都算是個念舊的人, 會盡量聯絡一些舊朋友, 因每一份情誼都有值得細饞的地方 ... 但有時就是隨著時間的飛逝, 不知不覺地溜走 ...

昨天晚上, 想到了小學一些同學及教師 ... 便整整在電腦上的 search engine 嘗試尋找個多兩個鐘的時候 (哈哈, 但下星期的考試還未準備好呢!!!), 可惜"革命"最終都告失敗 ... 雖然科技發逹, 但有些東西都是需要人的努力, 不能假借於科技的幫助吧!

朋友, 多謝你看我的網業, 藉著科技維繫我們的點滴的情誼~~ 在這佳節衷心祝你聖誔快樂!! 新年進步!!

不知是否隨著年紀的增長 ... 每逢佳節真的便更加倍思親 ... =)

Be still, and know that I am God! - Ps46:10

"Be Still, and know that I am God!" has been popping up a lot lately ... I know I need to "Be Still" ... Yet ... it's quite a challenge ... esp when there lays many "tasks" (though I use this term I do enjoy doing them in the process) ... yet still the message keeps coming back ... "be still" ... (so I know I was trying to rationalize ... instead I just need to "be still" and listen)

haha ... no .. this blog is not about being still (at least not what I intended - what a poor introduction .. I know .. but haha .. it's me .. ideas are always truncated, and I'm not a pro. writer!!) .. Well, cuz I'm still listening and learning .. need more time to experience and to digest before sharing .. Yet, I was reading a book lately and something caught my eyes, it was related to the topic of my last blog - forgiveness .. it's a good book yet I wasn't expect to read something about this when I read the book.

Anyway, in the book it says "Forgivenss does not mean that we will cease to hurt. The wounds are deep, and we may hurt for a very long time." "Forgiveness does not mean that we will forget ... we remember, but in forgiving we no longer use the memory against others." "Forgiveness is not pretending that the offense did not really matter ... the offense is real, but when we forgive, the offense no longer controls our behaviour." (Foster, p. 187) "Forgiveness is not acting as if things are just the same as before the offense." (Foster, p. 188)

"What then is forgiveness? It is a miracle of grace whereby the offense no longer separates ... Forgiveness means that the power of love that holds us together is greater than the power of the offense that separates us." (Foster, p.188)

I really like how Foster puts all these ideas in words - so simple yet says much. Admire it a lot as I really lack the skill!! (feeling sorry for all of you who are reading my blog)

Yes, a lot of hurts I never forget .. As a matter of facts, I can still shed a tear or two when I revisit them ... even in matters where I know dearly and truly that I had forgiven ... The hurt and pain can never be forgotten. I used to be bothered by it .. and thus started to hate myself for not "forgiving" more completely ... Although I questioned if I can revisit them causally as if they never happen, never happen on me, wouldn't I, then, doubt whether it is a deep hurt? It's a true dilemma, yet I thought I should be better at that and be able to "forgive" more through the power of Christ ... Thanks to Foster's clarification!! The power of Christ does not help me to forget or magically make the experience less hurtful, instead the power is to help me to hold the other in love, notwithstanding the pain and offenses in us. It is a truly beautiful pictures.

Back to "be still" ... I got an insight today .. depite my body is weak (really think I'm getting sick - feeling cold, headache and limbs are weak ... but trying to hang on as many things coming due that I can't really "allow" [hey, am I the one to control??] myself to be sick) ... my heart is at peace ... so peaceful, just like a 水平如鏡的湖 ("very calm lake") ... the wind might blow fiercely around, but magically the lake is not affected, not a ripple is "formed." Cuz I know He was, and is, and will be my God!!

Bibliography:
Foster, Richard J. Prayer - finding the heart's true home. New York, New York: HarperCollins Publishers, 1992.

Forgiveness ...

It is one of the main theme in my life lately ... been thinking a lot about it .. and then yesterday I experienced another incident that I pondered on this even more. Due to time constraints ... my spiritual director had to reschedule our meeting lots back and forth. And we finally agreed to meet on yesterday noon-ish about a week ago ... When I was there ... I didn't see her. So I waited for a bit. In 5 min's time, she showed up but didn't seem like she's preparing for a section. I "interrupted" her and chatted. It turned out she forgot our appointment!! She thought I had confused the appointment due to various back and forth coordination. I'm sure I didn't ... as I just checked the "agreed upon" email just last night. But it seemed that she's forgotten and not prepared .. so I didn't say anything and just confirmed with her the next time we are meeting. I was quite angry and annoyed in the beginning .. (haha .. yes, back to our importance ... we all think we are important and special, so am I!! I'm thinking, how could you forget me, your directee's, appointment! Not acceptable!!). After some deep breathing to calm my nerves down, I can see her humanness ... She’s also a human being, there’s probably lots on her plate .. then I decided to forgive! Yes, I remembered and agreed that forgive is a decision we have to make … Really learned that long ago .. yet the more I experience I found that having the decision and be able to fully forgive is different things. I had fully decided to forgive, yet at times I stumbled to fully forgive. Then last night, I got her email apologizing, as she checked her record and realized it's actually she who had screwed up the times. With that, I fully reconciled and at ease in forgiving. It is "funny" how such a small incident is actually so complex within, and so much to deal with.

It reminded me of my own tougher situation / lesson on forgiveness .. I decided to forgive and thought I had forgiven. Yet at times, God just revealed to me more and more (and bit by bit) that I wasn’t there yet, I haven’t fully forgiven yet …. Still have work to do, things to work on .. no matter how determine I was … This reminds me how GREAT God is .. for he truly forgive ... what a hard lesson to learn!!

I wonder how much do I treasure His forgiveness? Probably not enough as I didn’t realize how hard it is to truly forgive. The hurt was made, the hurt is there, and it would “always” be there in a sense that it cannot be reversed, cannot be erased in our memory. Yet with the hurt and memory within .. He decided and fully determined to forgive .. and mind you, we keep failing again and again continually yet He continued to forgive, or even we didn't even realized we did wrong and come to our senses to apologize or ask for forgiveness!! How generous and merciful HE is!!! How beautiful it is. Yes, Rev. Wong was right that at times we say “we forgive” too soon ... yes, too soon before we realize what it actually mean, too soon to really for us to connect our mindset and feeling to the fully forgiving "mode". But, we can surely be able to triumph that by the grace of the Lord.

Sorry Lord, I didn’t learn to treasure You and Your forgiveness more~~ Please forgive me .

Balance - grace vs act

I was in an annual mission conference helping in one of the mission organization booths this weekend. When sharing one of the stories of a beggar and how the organization has help healed this beggar from an inborn disease which refrain him from standing and walking for twenty / thirty years in a small village in China, and how, through many surgery treatments over the years by this organization, he now is able to walk and is currently serving faithfully in the village spreading the good news to the villagers, a little girl coldly responded “but he’s just a beggar.” What a shock! Isn’t a beggar a human being? Are we all too good now that we are all educated, somewhat useful, “independent” individuals, we do not need to care for others who are less fortunate, who is not related to us? Honestly, it's really painful to hear such a comment from the little girl. I understand what the little girl said may reflect her misunderstanding of teachings from parents or teachers (or may be false teachings), or it may reflect the twisted value of this world she learned from our multimedia. Yet, I think in some sense, it is reflecting a part of you and me that we, too, see ourselves being different, being special, and are at times too good for something or someone else. Yet, that's not the calling of Christians at all.

It is sad that we no longer see the world the way Jesus sees it or feel it in the way he does. We are now in a culture of individualism, of having my own way. And what makes things more complicated is the emphazes on save by grace alone. Though I totally agreed to that theology, I think we sometimes take it to an extreme, or because we try to avoid having others being confused that we decided to give up talking about Jesus' compassion simply for the well being of human being and the world ... Jesus never asked if the sick or the needy accepts that he's the saviour and whether they accept him as personal saviour before saving or healing them. He genuinely care for the people, their lives and their living. It's sad to see how we gave up something so beautiful so as to be theologically correct while, in fact, keeping it has no conflict with the theology.

Yes, everything needs a balance ... when will we find the equilibrium point of the balance? I don't know .. may be never at that desire equilibrium point .. but I still think we should try.

(extract from an assignment and together with reflections after class discussion today)

A song dedicated to YOU! 一首送給你的歌!!

今日在一聚會中聽到這一首歌, 便立時被它優美的旋律所吸引, 但最感動我的還是那十分有意思的歌詞:
<最珍貴的角落> 曲：游智婷　詞：萬美蘭
謝謝你燦爛笑容　照亮我的天空
謝謝你分享心情　把我放在你心中
夜裡有時為寒冷　你我生根同暖土
友情是最亮的星　我的生命從此美麗

當你被花朵包圍盡情歡欣　我帶春風使你舞其中
當你正在坎坷路　　我會伴你在左右
一起向藍天歡呼　向白雲招手
我們要一起笑一起哭
千萬人中有個人懂我　你有最珍貴的角落
**************************************

最近，不停地想到神如何在我的生命中賜福與我，　叫我有一班好好的朋友，　去造就，支持我，　叫我成為今日的我　－　希望仍是進步中的我(當然是指好的方面) ...

所以，　當我唱這首歌時，　我不停的為我有你們這一班朋友感恩！　感謝神在不同的環境中，　不同的時間上讓我認識到你們　．．．　學校，　工作，　教會，　朋友的朋友　等等．　你們的出現，　問候等，　永遠都是最合時的．　

很想藉此機會用這一個短短的 blog entry　向你們說聲多謝！！　這首歌的歌詞真的代表我的心聲，　所以請留意歌詞～～　而基督耶穌便是最懂我的一個，　因為祂把你們在最合適的時候放在我的生命中！ 願你也找到及確信這最珍貴的角落～
＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿
Today in a conference, I was introduced to this song. I was attracted by the beautiful melody right away, yet the lyrics touch my heart deep as I found them very very meaningful:

Precious Corner
Music: Sandy Yu Lyrics: Marlene Wan
(popo's attempt of translating it to English w/out taking into account the melody)

Thank you for your delightful smile Brighten my sky
Thank you for your deep sharing and put me in your heart
Despite the cold at night, you and I are warm together
Friendship is the brightest star My life thus becomes beautiful

When you are joyful being surrounded by flowers
I will bring spring breeze so that you can dance
When you are going through tough situations
I will walk along with you by your side
Let's shout to the bright blue sky let's wave to the snowy white clouds
We laugh and we cry together
Among the millions, there is one who knows me well
you have your most precious corner
**************************************

I have been giving thanks for all that God has blessed me in my life lately: I have many good good friends, who develop, support me, so that I can be the ME I am today - hopefully still growing (to become better).

I kept praising the Lord for my circles of friends when I was singing the song! Thank God for putting you in my life in various situation and various time ... school, work, churches, through mutual friends etc etc ... Your sincere greetings and your presence are always timely and most needed.

Therefore, I would like to dedicate this little blog entry as my sincere thanks to all of you - for being my good friends!! The lyrics explains my thankfulness well, so I'm not going to further elaborate it (please reread the lyrics again =P ).

Last but never the least, I would like to proclaim that Christ Jesus really knows me well and it is evident through Him putting you in my life in the best timing! It is my prayer that you can find and be affirmed of this, the most precious corner of yours~~

The Crazy PoPo

Hahah .. can't believe Popo is still as crazy after all these years ... well, here's another proof.

As some of you know that I'm "on drugs" lately due to my stomach problem. Thank God, I'm half way through now .. Yesterday was a great and happy day as it's my dad's bday, so we went out for dinner .. and of cuz there's delicious wine (haha! yes, I quite enjoy drinking nice red wine~~).

Before I take a sip, I was thinking .. "Hm .. I'm on drugs .. am I suppose to refrain from alcoholic drinks." But soon after I'm like .. nah, I'll just taste a bit .. it should be fine. So I took couple sip .. and within a few minutes, I could feel the burning effect in my stomach .. then I realized it wasn't a good idea .. so I gave the rest of my glass to my brother .. and said: "don't think it's a good idea to drink tonight ... you can have more and I can drive!!"

How crazy and silly am I to try pushing my limit!! hahaha

身體健康~~

輾轉經過差不多幾個月的時間 [其實又真係唔洗咁耐 ... 係我自己 睇下拖下拖下先再睇下之故], 終於找尋到 stomach discomfort 的原因 ... 係因為一種叫 H. Pylori(XX"羅旋菌)的菌在作怪. 據醫生說有這種菌一定要淸, 因為輕則會胃潰瘍, 胃炎, 但日子久了還未能淸便可能會導致胃出血甚至胃癌. 所以這個一向逃避食藥的人, 便乖乖的聽醫生吩咐去配藥 ...

不過今次都幾"惡" "kan" ... 不單藥較貴, 要一次過食足七日 ... 每日要"kan"八粒"大"藥丸 (excuse me .. it's really a BIG challenge to someone dislike taking medicine!!!). [遲D 影張相過你睇] 不過謝謝神比我有一個好好的心理預備, 皆因兩日後要外遊的我未能開始療程, 足足有兩個星期時間比我作好心理準備及練習 (yes ... I really need it, trust me...)

原來有好多事我都 take it for granted ... 其中一樣便是健康 ... "誰會珍惜當你還擁有?" - 警惕警惕!!

願各方親朋好友都健健康康快快樂樂~~

Love is ...

[ok .. I'll try to blog more .. but you got to remind me from time to time =P]

Lately, the promotion by Red Cross for blood giving is back .. which reminds me of their slogan "Blood is in you to give" .. which I had once changed to "Love is in me to give, Christ is in me to live" (credit to a friend who complete that last piece for me) ... Yes, this is still a big reminder to myself.

Christians are called to love .. do I really know what love is? I'm not sure, but I'll try and trust that in God's grace I'd know more and more ... Honestly, it is really not that fun a journey; the more I tried the more I am scare and unsure ... But God never fails, he reminds me often.

When I was studying .. I need to read and meditate on 1Co 13: 1-3 over and over again often ... I'm afraid that the more knowledge I gain, the more love I lost .. If my knowledge is only good enough for me to point out what others did not do right or meet God's standard, I'm just being a resounding gong and a clanging cymbal!!! NOOO!!! (Being a visual person, I did picture myself being a resounding gong, it's quite disgusting .. so NO THANKS~~)

Yet .. what is love? I read something today that I really really like ..

"Love is never blind to others' faults. It sees them clearly, but is not threatened. It admits disappointment, but forgives and continues to be warmly involved." (Crabb, Larry. Inside Out. p.200)

I really REALLY *REALLY* agree to what Dr. Crabb said ... to love is not to ignore or pretend others' faults do not exists. I think that is 溺愛 .. "super spoiled" ... not healthy and probably naive, as we are not trying to assist each other to grow to be better ... Love is not to measure how much I will be disadvantaged or how much I might be hurt by the other person, either because he / she is too good or too weak. Love is to be honest to ourselves and to others of the pain we experienced, yet we persistent to be involved ... the persistence to love ... not being threatened to do so or forced to do so by the outter environment or circumstances .. but out from our heart, our willingness.

Jesus lived it out to its fullness~~ Jesus loves us that He is not blind to our faults. He sees through us clearly, but is not threatened. He admits disappointments from our wrongdoings, but forgives and continues to be warmly involved in our lives that he invited us to open our lives to him and promised that he is with us always~~

"Thy Will Be Done"

My heart was weary last night ... triggered many many thoughts ... and started worrying ... but then suddenly God reminded me of a song we sang in Good Friday Service - "Thy Will Be Done." Can't help but open the song book and read the lyrics again ... It speaks to my heart, it comforts me ... I know no matter what, He is in control!!!

"Thy Will Be Done" - Lani Smith, Neil Lorenz

When my spirit is heavy ... With a weight I can't bear,
Help me reach for your hand and know it is there.
Thy will be done, O Lord,
Thy will be done.

I will walk through the valley;
If I stumble and fall,
Your light shines to guide me,
O Lord, over all.
Thy will be done, Thy will be done.

I can bear any burden and grow stronger each day,
With you there to guide me and show me the way.
Thy will be done, O Lord, Thy will be done.

O Lord, be my shepherd, I trust in your care;
I can travel my road for I know you're there.
Thy will be done, O Lord,
Thy will be done, O Lord,
Thy will be done.
Thy will be done.

Thank you Lord~~~